Vacation, Part II…

So, here I sit in this great little coffee shop in Victoria, Minnesota. People have been asking me, so you’re on vacation, why the heck would you go to Minnesota (or more often, “come to Minnesota”, Minnesotans don’t get it). I encourage you, take a trip to Victoria, come down to the “School of the Wise” and you’ll know why. Sure the people that work here are great (well, all but the manager folks, they all come across as jerks!) but the worker-bees are great. I’ve spent a lot of time here over the past few days, it’s been nice, I don’t normally just get to sit and people watch anymore, mostly because the places I frequent I know so many people.

This morning the place is filled up with, mostly, women, some talking about work at a law firm, others just general things about life. Then there’s the “church ladies”, It amazes me, you can spot them a mile away, I saw these ladies come in, greet each other (seemed very fake) I thought, “hmmmm, church ladies”, sure as shootin, church ladies. Now, please keep in mind that I’m not beating up on church people, I’m simply pointing out that you can spot them in a crowd, especially if there is a crowd of them. and I talked with some of the ladies, they are indeed a church group. No judgment, just weird that you can pick them out of a crowded room.

My days have been filled with not much, having some beers at night in different places, chilling during the day, Messing around on the computer, contemplating the next moves of life and processing the past few weeks. It has been a wonderful time! A big thank you to the folks in the D.C. area (all of you!) and the “Merch’s” here in Minnesota. I’ll try to put up something interesting soon.

BS

Vacation, Part I…

So, the ill-fated trip to Haiti has turned into a great vacation for me. Even though I missed my flight on Wednesday, it’s still been a fun vacation. I went down to Washington, D.C. for a few days, visited with some friends, saw the sights, spent a lot of time downtown walking the Mall and other various places and sites. I finally got to the Jefferson Memorial, a great and wonderful thing to see, did the Lincoln Memorial and read all of the things there, which was wonderful. Abraham Lincoln (and many other leaders of the time) were such great orators, why can’t the people of today be more like that? (Text of Lincoln’s second inaugural address)

The National Spy Museum was fun, a LOT of reading, but the gadgets and gizmos were cool to see and it was quite an education to cram in to two hours! Next time you’re in D.C. go check it out. It’s not a far walk from the Mall and, if you get there early, the eatery attached has a “Spy Breakfast”, I could tell you what’s in it, but I’d have to kill you.

That’s about it for the beginning of my vacation, I’m on too Part II in Minnesota, which has been a good time so far, basically been hanging, more to come.

BS

Traveling fool…

Well folks, today you read about the traveling tales of your friend “BS”. This week, I am on vacation, so far fun times. I traveled to a city to visit with some friends and do some sight-seeing, this turned out to be an excellent trip, I got to know some folks better and got to reconnect with some old friends, I also got to “see” acts of true Christ-likeness from people that I never really expected to see it from.

Today, Wednesday, I am switching cities, this called for a plane trip, so I flew to my “central” point, had some time to kill, so I headed out of security to get some fresh air. I looked at my itinerary, but didn’t really register that my flight was at 1315, I thought it was at 1330, I wish I could say it was because my earlier flight was at 30 minutes past the hour, it wasn’t, I think I’m just not very bright. So I get in the security line, thinking I may just make it, look at my watch, my boarding pass and I think “OH, $%&#, I am not going to make this plane”, so I managed to get to the ALMOST front of the security line and missed my plane by about 1.5 minutes (long story short). So I sat at the airport for another 4.5 hours until the next plane, I’m about to board it. Crazy day! I’m not in a hurry so it’s not that big a deal, I had people waiting on me in the next city though, so that’s a bit sad, but I’ll see them later. Oh well, funny story and another memory made.

BS

Well, this is tough…

It’s been an interesting few weeks. I’m not really sure where to begin, so I suppose at the beginning, seems reasonable. This could be long, rambling and painful, so if you’re really not interested, come back later, maybe the posts will be shorter.

A number of years ago I married a woman that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It turns out that over the years we have grown apart, some argue that is a choice that I’ve made, others agree with me that it’s something that can just plain happen, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. I can tell you this much, over the past years, I have tried to communicate, in various ways, that I was unhappy and things needed to change. I will accept that it is entirely possible that I may not communicate well, I will also accept 100% of the blame for my marriage breaking up. I will however, require that the other party involved accepts 100% of the blame as well. Whatever else it is that has happened a relationship has died. It’s a very sad thing, I am surprised at some of the emotions I feel, I thought this would be easier. I know it’s the correct decision for me, and I’m pretty sure that, in time, my children and wife will come to agree that it is the correct decision for all of us. I don’t want my kids growing up in a house where Dad really has no interest in being there. It would be horrible for them. I just must make the effort to be with them as much as I can.

The worst part about all of this is that I feel very little for the person in this that I’ve hurt the most, the woman that I married. It’s very strange, I’ve analyzed a lot of feelings over the past few weeks and the one person that I really don’t feel much but sorry for is my wife. Very strange.

So, needless to say, things have been strange for me lately. I live with my sister and brother-in-law, which is turning out to be a very cool experience. My sister and I disagree on a few rather major choices I’ve made in my life, but we still love each other and it’s interesting to see how two people can disagree (vehemently), air their differences and still love each other. I guess that’s what happens when one (me) lets someone else (my sister) in to their “inner circle” or the inner sanctum of whom and what they love. One of the things that I’ve realized about myself, over this time, is that I don’t very easily let people in to “me” some people will see some sides of me, but I rarely go “all in” with anyone. I believe this to be one of the strong failures of me, with my wife. I don’t think I ever really allowed myself to love her or to be loved by her. How strange is that? It’s a very strange thing to come to realize about oneself as well. It’s actually very tough to look at yourself and realize that you may actually be 100% to blame for all the pain and misery that you’re causing a group of people.

With that being said, I also realize that having put myself and my wife through the past 11 years of marriage. I have distanced myself so far from her, that there is no hope of return. If I can cause her irreparable harm, so much pain that she screams and “hates” me and not even feel interested. I think that’s pretty good proof of how far I’ve gone in a direction.

There are many other things happening in my life, now. For the most part, I am just trying to lay low, chill out and not get in to any more trouble. I think I’ve caused my kids, parents, siblings and friends enough pain for now. That’s the worst part, you know? I’m a people pleaser, I always try to like and be liked by people. It’s tough to hurt so many people. In the end, yet, I still think I’ve made the correct decision.

On an interesting note, the “Christian” community has responded in many different ways. I’m going to leave my parents and siblings out of this as, while some of them are part of said community, they will, by virtue of the fact that they are my family, respond differently. One person that I’ve known for many, many years has “forgotten” my name, I don’t think it’s intentional, they have just started calling me by another name, it’s strange. Others have responded with cards or e-mail, telling me how much they hate what I’m doing. The only person (again, family excluded) that has bothered to talk to me (AND, I might add, that was only after I made the first move) has asked questions, saying that they wanted to understand what’s in my head. I know this person loves me, I know I’ve hurt them, but I know that they still love me and I know that they have no way of understanding this.

Another interesting note. I took some time off from the pub last night to write most of what you’ve just read. I went back to the pub and talked for a number of hours with an “old” acquaintance about their divorce and how they and their kids handled it. It was a great talk and I came away from it feeling like I wasn’t the worst person in the world. That was nice.

I think, after this post I’ll disable comments on the blog for a while. I don’t want people posting nasty comments up here (you know who you are!), but if you’d like to send me an e-mail, please go ahead e-mail to blarneystonedblog@gmail.com.

BS